SECTION 2 - PG 1: SOME OF MY FAVORITE SAYINGS...OLD & NEW

THINGS FOR MY TOMBSTONE:

THERE I WAS, sitting quietly alone, IN MY BATHROOM...when ALL OF A SUDDEN...

THERE I WAS, sitting quietly alone, smoking a cigarette and playing with the knobs on the oxygen tank, when ALL OF A SUDDEN...

THERE I WAS, standing quietly alone, and VIBRATING WITH GLEE at what I was about to do WHILE holding my chainsaw...when ALL OF A SUDDEN...

THERE I WAS, sitting quietly alone, holding tight to the pin in the grenade, when we hit a huge bump in the road and ALL OF A SUDDEN...

THERE I WAS, standing quietly alone and telling mom YES YOU LOOK FAT IN THAT DRESS, and ALL OF A SUDDEN...

THERE I WAS, sitting quietly, and telling Vladimir Putin PLEASE PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON...YOU ARE UGLY NAKED, and ALL OF A SUDDEN...

THERE I WAS, sitting quietly and telling Justin Bieber...YOU EVER CONSIDER SINGING LESSONS? WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN...

THERE I WAS, sitting quietly and asking AHNOLD...HEY, HOW'S MARIA? WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN...

THERE I WAS, sitting quietly and telling every Republican I know...NO, TED CRUZ IS NOT GOD, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN...

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GOD KNOWS I've tried

I'll never forget the day we met...GOD KNOWS I'VE TRIED.

I'll never forget the first time I made love with your..

Mother/father/sister/brother/cat/dog (circle all applicable)

HOW COULD I EVER FORGET...DAD ALWAYS DID LOVE YOU BEST...

More often, with more gusto...as disgusting as it was to watch

Never forget...Apples never fall far from the tree...

Old, rotten, wormy apples...

I'll never forget how much you enjoyed that new car I bought you,

#1 and the gales of laughter as you drove over me in it...

#2 and how happy you looked as you left me in it.

I'll never forget how thrilled you were at that AK-47 I got you for your birthday.

How could I ever forget thinking...if ONE Viagra will do THAT, think what 20 would do...and then ALL OF A SUDDEN...